THAT'S WHAT YOU GET~ Paramore, January 11, 2021

Speaking of Christian music (refer to yesterday's post), today's song is by Paramore. Paramore may have never been a "Christian band," but they certainly have been around the scene. Lead singer Haley Williams is both praised and scorned by the Christian scene for her take on faith. Their first album, which is admittedly their least 'listenable' record, played into an "are they or aren't they?" bating that is so prevalent with the Tooth and Nail or other scene bands of the time. Riot, the band's breakout second record started to quash the Christian labeling. Take for example the lead single, "Misery Business," which is about getting revenge on another girl by stealing her man. Lyrics calling the other girl a "whore" and declaring "God, doesn't it feel so good when I've got him where I want him." Williams pushed things a little further on their third album in the song "Ignorance," where she declared "The truth never set me free." This caused some of the band members to split, as they wondered if the band had forsaken their Christian roots and gone too far. 

THE HEART IS DECEITFUL above all things and beyond cure. Who can know it? Jeremiah 17:9. I think a lot of what Haley Williams reacts to in her music is Christian cliques that have been used to control young people. I grew up with a preacher's voice in the back of my head telling me not to trust my heart. I took this saying to (pardon the overuse of the body part) heart. I was told not to trust my emotions. We have to use our minds to come to a rational conclusion. One way that this played out in many churches in the late 90s to today is purity culture. Purity culture is this highly developed teaching particularly in evangelical churches about the importance of saving virginity until marriage. Depending on the church, pastors and youth leaders could get very specific about what you should not do and there were often "accountability groups" to make everyone uncomfortable... 

LEARNING TO TRUST MY HEART. One top of the sexual trauma of purity culture, learning to distrust my heart had many negative effects in my 20s. It completely killed my self esteem. In fact one of my professors said something to the effect of "we shouldn't have self esteem because our value comes from God, not ourselves." I tried to take so much of this to heart, but then I had to find a job. I was competing for teaching positions with other Adventists. And they didn't seem to get the memo that they "they are worthless, but their worth only comes from God." Perhaps I had missed something.

WHO CAN KNOW IT? I've learned a lot and have shut out a lot of those voices. I think getting away from the weekly sermon from the same denomination has been the most liberating factor. I don't think all of the preachers and teachers have impure intentions, but there does seem to be a "Great Chain of Being" level of control baked into Adventism as I know it. I've learned to trust what I want and what I need more and more. How easy it is to control children with a few verses. Still, I think if we look at this verse we can see a more nuanced view of the world. Who doesn't think that their intentions are pure? Conviction doesn't make something right. But I prefer to live by what speaks truth to me and what's right for my mental health rather than what leaves me in dread and breaks my confidence.

Yes, I'm straying from the song's lyrics, but I find this blog works out better when a song speaks something to me that day. Peace and love all.