“Rose-Colored Boy” by Paramore, Thursday, March 4, 2021

I referenced this song last week when I talked about how the songs on this album illustrate complicated emotions that many songwriters can't describe. "Rose- Colored Boy" epitomizes the times that you want to be alone, you want to let the emotion out, but some obligation is in the way and you have to keep it together. What's worse is a person close to you is trying everything to get you to keep it together just a little longer. However, humans have to process the dark and ugly at some point. And it never falls on someone else's schedule. What you don't want to hear in those moments is an optimist's cliche. You don't feel like laughing. You don't feel like smiling and nodding anymore. This person is close to you, and they need to see you at your worst. Well, watch out Rosie!

I JUST KILLED OFF WHAT'S LEFT OF THE OPTIMIST IN ME. Take a moment to read the poem by Ogden Nash, "The Outcome of Mr. MacLeod's Optimism," and you'll find yourself siding with Mrs. MacLeod. Optimism can be downright annoying when you need to vent. Whereas Nash humorously encapsulates the demise of the "Rose-Colored" husband, I think this song, with its contradicting upbeat sound music and its introverted lyrics, captures what Nash is talking about in a way that feels more at the moment. There are several situations that this song brings to mind. The first is being a teacher, dealing with school administration on break times between classes.  There have been many times that I've had to leave meetings so angry with admin, but I had to put on a smile and go teach a class. I've seen my coworkers do similar things, dealing with phone calls from home and situations that they have to cool down from and go to class, pretending that the kids are all that matter. Adulthood is all about compartmentalizing. 

DON'T MAKE ME LAUGH, I'LL CHOKE. Another thing this song reminds me of is being in love with someone who goes through extended periods of depression. I talked about the pressure in Korean culture on Sunday. When you are in love with someone who is reaching for their dreams, but it is uncertain that they will succeed, you want to be encouraging. How do you encourage that person? How are you there for that person? What words do you say? The optimistic answer is the wrong one. It just makes them resentful. Then the darkness starts to take over you. Your happiness starts to fade too. Your attacks with optimism are now meant for you to keep a little of the dying sunlight so that you don't get trapped in a vast barren darkness together with the person you love. Fortunately, 2019 worked itself out and the dream was reached. I do wonder if the darkness will ever show his face again. How can we deal with it? What have learned from the first, second, and third times?