"Rings & Roses" by Dabin ft. Conor Bryne, Friday, May 14, 2021
WAITIN' ON THE DREAM YOU BEEN SOLD. Part of the American Dream is indoctrinating elementary-school-aged children that they can be anything they want to be when they grow up. Of course, as the children get older, teachers start to point them in a different direction. They try to help Suzy realize that she should also focus on academics in case she can't grow up to be a pop star. As children get closer and closer to the point where they either get accepted or rejected by the college of their choice, the world begins to start narrowing for them. But when I was growing up, I didn't have any specific goals. I would go to school to be a teacher because I couldn't think of anything else to do besides being a professional musician. But I was scared to death of the commitment and the uncertainty it would take to be a professional musician. I thought that being a teacher would at the very least be a secure income. I found the work rewarding. But now I'm coming to the point where I have to chose what I want to be when I grow up. My student loans are almost paid. I'm feeling stuck in my job, and I'm realizing that I'm free. But free to do what?
I MISS YOU. I MISS YOU. WHERE ARE YOU NOW? Meanwhile, I've built my life in Korea. I've been here for longer than I ever said I would. I was sure that I would begin my teaching career in the states by at least three years after teaching in Korea. However, falling in love kept me here. For a while, too, it seemed like everything I was doing at my job would help further my career. But there's a time when you realize that staying in the same job is no longer growth but stagnation. I've gotten too comfortable doing the same thing, losing connections, and embracing introversion. Then two weeks ago my dad had a stroke. It shook my understanding about work/life responsibility. For my family, a steady income is the greatest virtue. But I reflected on how a steady income made my dad so mentally unhealthy. He coped with the stress with food and cigarettes. For me, a steady job means that it's much more difficult to see and talk with my family. This would normally be okay, but the two years away is really starting to wear on me. And my dad's stroke really scared me. I wonder if, like this song, I'm stretching too far. Trying to be a professional teacher and failing to make the connections. Trying to be a good boyfriend. Trying to be a good son. Trying to live in a country where I can wear out my welcome. "In the end they all fall down."
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