“Talk All Night for Nothing [live]" by Tyson Motsenbocker ft. Jon Foreman, Wednesday, May 19, 2021

 

I went through a Jack Kerouac/Beat phase around 2015-2016 back when I was trying to as many authors that I hadn't read. I read a few of his books and they're kind of a blur now, but I remember reading On the Road, Big Sur, and The Dharma Bums. At the time of reading these books, there was something about the nomadic lifestyle, free of anchoring possessions that resonated with my college-debt, experience seeking soul. Of course, On the Road is Kerouac's most accessible and popular novel, which introduces us to the themes Kerouac explores in his work--a migratory life, sexual fluidity, and Americana, but The Dharma Bums especially highlights another theme: seeking enlightenment. This 1958 novel brought Buddhism into the living rooms of post-World War II Americans.

I DON'T WANT TO DRIVE IF I CAN'T KEEP THE KEYS. Today is Buddha's birthday as celebrated in South Korea. Buddhism, like every major world religion, takes on various forms and denominations, so talking about what a Buddhist believes may not be completely accurate. However, the Buddha taught his followers to give up worldly desire because it can lead to suffering. One of the most effective ways to do that was to free oneself of their possessions. Today when I listened to Tyson Motsenbocker's "Talk All Night for Nothing," I thought back to the time when I valued adventure over stability. This wasn't a long period of time, and adventure for me was nothing wild. But seven months into my first relationship in the summer of 2015, I began to feel trapped. Even though we were never really right for each other, I jumped right in. That's what you do when you have no dating practice for 26 years. That's what you do when you were brought up taught that purity was more important than happiness. But when summer came and I had a lot of free time, but his busy work assignment kept me from hearing from him for days, I couldn't help but to seek adventure with a smartphone and a few choice applications, and this ended the relationship.

THINK I WANT YOU TO TEXT ME SOME MORE. While Motsonbocker's song seems to be about someone else, I wonder if it's about him. After the death of his mother, Motsenbocker walked from San Diego to the Golden Gate Bridge,  writing his debut album on his journey. I don't want to assume anything about Motsenbocker, but I wonder if when he is writing about the girl he doesn't then does want to text him is really about the time when he was detached from society, grieving the loss of his mother. My summer of '15 has a few break-up songs I've written filed away on my computer and the music is in my brain. Our first break up didn't take. I promised to work through it and try harder. I thought I loved him, and I could have been happy enough. But I wasn't sure that happy enough was good enough. I teetered between security and adventure. But on July 31st I ended it. It didn't feel right. I thought I loved him, but I wanted more than good enough. I wanted a future, and I couldn't see it with him. I just wanted to have fun for a bit. I wanted to experience the Kerouacan life like everyone else. And that's when you realize that all you talked about all night, meant nothing. 

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