"Too Good at Goodbyes" by Sam Smith, Sunday, May 9, 2021
Sam Smith's music is a musical cry for love. Influenced by Amy Winehouse and Adelle, Smith made a gut-wrenchingly melancholy pop-R&B debut album in 2014's In the Lonely Hour, and followed it up with an even sadder, gospel-inspired sophomore record in 2017's The Thrill of It All. However, in a turn of events, during the album cycle, the British singer began dating 13 Reasons Why actor Brandon Flynn and the two seemed happy in interviews and in social media posts. The two dated for nine months, during which, Smith came out as genderqueer, stating that they identified as equally male and female. In "Too Good At Goodbyes," Smith tackles their psychological and emotional barrier they bring to a relationship. But as Smith points out these barriers, anyone with emotional baggage (or everyone) can probably relate to the song on some level. It's damn hard to know when to open up to someone or when to conceal in fear that that person will use it against you in the future. "Too Good At Goodbyes" leaves the listener in a bit of a relationship limbo.
I'M JUST PROTECTING MY INNOCENCE. I talked about Troye Sivan on Friday, and while their musical styles are quite different, there are some remarkable parallels between both artists. First, both artists came out relatively early in their careers. Unlike famous LGBT+ musicians from past generations who often tried to cover up tabloid speculation, Smith and Sivan publicly announced their sexuality and even relationship statuses by their first full length album. Second, both singers proudly portray LGBT+ relationships in the music videos and even sing about their relationships. The music industry discouraged open discussion of non-heterosexual relationships, unless it was somehow fetishized by artists who could "pass" as straight (i.e. Katy Perry's "I Kissed a Girl"). This is not to say that queer themes didn't exist in music. Artists like U2, R.E.M., Franz Ferdinand, Third Eye Blind and Christina Aguilera showed or talked about same-sex relationships. Growing up same-sex relationships were pretty censored from my world. I think I was 13 before I was allowed to watch Three's Company because the premise that Jack has to pretend to be gay in order to live in a house with two beautiful roommates. I was taught a kind of homophobia that made homosexual depictions on TV or in music seem dirty. There was the video played on MTV by the Russian lesbian group t.A.T.u. There was the "I Am Beautiful" video by Christina Aguilera featuring two men kissing. As for '90s rock, my dad always changed the station when Third Eye Blind came on because he said the lead singer was gay. This was not true. Their song "Jumper" was about a gay man who was trying to take his life. However, he would listen to U2's "One" and R.E.M. despite him acknowledging their connections to queer culture.
I'M JUST PROTECTING MY SOUL. A lot has changed since my Christian teenage upbringing. Growing up and becoming a teacher at a Christian school as I continue to process my own faith and sexuality, I try to reconcile what my parents taught me with what I've read, studied, and lived on my own. In 2017, my third grade middle school students (HS1, American age) started talking about 13 Reasons Why, a controversial Netflix drama about the suicide of a high school student. The actor from the series, Brandon Flynn, was dating Sam Smith, who was well-known in Korea at that time. My student asked me about the Flynn-Smith relationship, "Do you agree with their love?" I had to choose my words carefully as of the legal thin ice teachers can get into in South Korea for condoning same-sex relationships. I've been thinking about that question since my student asked it. The U.S. had just legalized same-sex marriage in every state, but many other countries, including Korea, wouldn't recognize two people of the same gender assigned at birth being married. But this isn't a legal question at the grassroots level. Do you agree or do you disagree? My answer is that I don't know either person, so I couldn't say if they were right for each other. Isn't that the heart of the issue? Romeo and Juliet's parents didn't agree with their love, and that was a straight relationship. Moreover, a loving parent may think she is no good for my son, so those parents don't agree with their love. However, those two still have the power and legal right when they are of age to defy their parents. Sometimes often parents come around. But when it comes to same-sex relationships, do you agree with their love? And if you do or don't, who are you anyway?
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