“Death with Dignity” (Live) by Sufjan Stevens, Saturday, October 22, 2022 (repost)

In 2015, Sufjan Stevens released his saddest album. The songs on Carrie & Lowell give listeners insight into the folk singer's upbringing and his process of dealing with the grief of losing an abusive parent. Stevens' mother Carrie had passed away in 2012 from cancer, and "Death with Dignity," the album opener, finds the lyricist struggling for the words to tell the story. He says "I don't know where begin," showing how something deeply personal is hardest to talk about. The song structure is unique in that there is no chorus, but rather five verses--this is a fact I never noticed in all the times I listened to the song before I wrote about it last year. "Death with Dignity" is best in the context of the entire album, but if you don't have the time to dive into the depths of sorrow like a mourner's kaddish, the song is a sweet twinge of sadness to throw into an otherwise happy playlist. 

AMETHYST AND FLOWERS ON THE TABLE. I was on the fence about the 2016 pilot of This Is Us. The time-jumping drama was just confusing. Mandy Moore and Milo Ventimiglia in the past and Smallville's Green Arrow in the present. However, the big reveal at the end of the episode where you learn (spoiler alert) that the third triplet had died, and Rebecca and Jack decide to adopt Randall who had been left at the fire station, and the doctor saying some cliche line about "life handing you the sourest of lemons and using them to make lemonade" all delivered to the tune of "Death with Dignity," I was sold on the drama. As for the song, Stevens, for being as he is in his lyrics, shies away from celebrity spotlight. He offers little details into his personal life with the exception of this record. We know that his mother Carrie was a substance abuser and struggled with schizophrenia. We know that Lowell Brams was her second husband, and he was present during Stevens' formative years. Lowell would go on to do some musical projects with Stevens after this album, but it was the death of his mother and the need for closure that drives this album. The second track on Carrie & Lowell get explicit about the abuse, but "Death with Dignity" merely paints the setting--Stevens' life in Oregon, the death, the abuse, and the forgiveness. 

WHAT IS THAT SONG YOU SING FOR THE DEAD? Forgiveness is somewhat of a dirty word. I grew up with a fear of not forgiving. The pastor said in a sermon that if there is anyone you've not forgiven, you can't go to heaven with the bitterness in your heart. At that time, I wondered if we should forgive the person who is unremorseful? How do we make sure that we're not taken advantage of again? Thinking back on that, I realize how many vulnerable people were in the congregation; people suffering from truly evil things done to them. Forgiveness is a process, and it can't be forced. Carrie & Lowell is a beautiful portrayal of forgiveness as it naturally happens. Learning to forgive your parents for the mistakes they made when raising you is always a process, and when there is clear signs of abuse, forgiveness may be impossible. I'm in no position to say that a victim must confront his or her abuser with forgiveness. I think that anyone who forces forgiveness on a victim adds another layer to the abuse. Music, church, scripture, and poetry are no substitute for mental health professionals, and it's criminal how pastors have assumed that role. However, just as an album like Carrie & Lowell helped Stevens deal with his grief, so can art and religion be a supplement to our healing.

Read the lyrics on Genius.

Live version: