"Happy Not Knowing" by Carly Rae Jepsen, Saturday, October 8, 2022

We're a less than a fortnight away from both Taylor Swift's Midnights and Carly Rae Jepsen's upcoming release of her record 

The Loneliest Time. Yesterday, Jepsen released the disco-infused ballad title track from the record, a collaboration with LGBTQ+ legendary singer Rufus Wainwright leading up to album's release. I didn't immediately love the song like "Beach House" and "Talking to Yourself," but it seems that The Loneliest Season is shaping up to be a cohesive record about loneliness; perhaps more cohesive than her previous record,  Dedicated, which dealt with crushes, being in relationships, breaking up, and sex.

 

WHERE THIS GOES, HOW THIS GOES. "Happy Not Knowing" is the sixth track on Carly Rae Jepsen's 2019 record Dedicated. Listening back to the record puts me back in 2019. Everyone was talking about how great it was before Covid changed everything, but do we really remember? I remember everything feeling unfinished. We look back at 2019 thinking that times were good, but at the time we were looking forward to our own version of the Roaring '20s, a time of greater prosperity. It was supposed to be the time that we shrugged off the "Little Dark Age," and moved to a more inclusive world where hunger and want would disappear. It was a time when we would finally have more money to travel and spend time with the ones that we love. There were all these hopes that were dashed sometime in February or March of 2020. Then came three years of rebuilding what normal was. For me, I've been in a cycle of self-loathing and self- sabotage that's held me back. I see my friends moving on, and I'm happy for them, but I worry about my dissected resumé, about all the potential that I've wasted, and I think it's about all the things that I've left unfinished--the application to grad-school, the application for student loan forgiveness, the job I never applied for, the friendly getting to know how we can help you better survey before selecting a therapist from BetterHelp.com.

 

I DON'T HAVE THE ENERGY. “Happy Not Knowing” is Carly Rae Jepsen’s declaration that it’s better not to know what could happen. The speaker opts to play it safe rather than risking it all for the unknown in love. When I think of today’s song, I think about couple of other songs on a concept, tossing around for a little while. First there's the line from folklore's "this is me trying" that says: "So I got wasted like all my potential." When I listen to this song, I think about how Taylor Swift certainly didn't wast her potential, and then I think about if it's a question of perspective: perhaps no matter what you accomplish, you feel like you've wasted your potential. Then there's Sasha Alex Sloan's "Hypochondriac," a song in which the singer talks about "calling [her] doctor every day" because if she dies she won't be able to be with her love. Before meeting him, the speaker lived recklessly. "Happy Not Knowing" is the antithesis of "Hypochondriac" to me. When it comes to the uncertainty of my future, I'd rather not know. I'd rather believe that everything will work out ok, but there's a more self-destructive side to that. I'm terrified of failure. Just the thought of  vitriolic comments put me in a melancholy mood. And the truth is, more than being afraid of failure is that I don't know if I could live in a world where I got the success I've dreamed about. More money, more problems, more responsibility.  I wish the best to my students, but for me, I'm happy not knowing what I could be. New Year's Resolution 2023: fill out that BetterHelp.com questionnaire.

Read “Happy Not Knowing” by Carly Rae Jepsen on Genius