“I Will Be Here” by Steven Curtis Chapman, Tuesday, January 30, 2024

If there were a Mount Rushmore of contemporary Christian recording artists, Steven Curtis Chapman would be one of the faces etched into the side of the cliff. He’s been releasing music consistently since 1987 and most recently released the album Still in 2022. Before releasing his own music, Chapman had a publishing deal with Sparrow Records, writing songs for other artists. When he made his debut First Hand, he had a number 2 hit with “Weak Days.” He scored a number-one hit on his next album, Real Life Conversations with the song “His Eyes.” Chapman’s first four studio albums were released yearly and his fifth album began a two-year album cycle.

IF IN THE MORNIN’ YOU WAKE UP AND THE SUN DOES NOT APPEAR. By the time I started listening to Christian radio in 1999, Steven Curtis Chapman had many hits. However, many of his hits from the ‘80s weren’t played often. Speechless had just been released, and its lead single “Dive” was a major hit. Some of his novelty hits like “The Great Adventure” and “Dancing with the Dinosaur” received some airplay along with some of his serious hits like “For the Sake of the Call” and “More to This Life.” But more than any of Chapman’s older hits, the acoustic ballad from his third record, 1988’s More to This Life, “I Will Be Here” received the most airplay. Chapman wrote the song for his wife Mary Beth Chapman in the early years of their marriage. The singer reflects on these early years in his autobiography Between Heaven and the Real World: My Story in Chapter 10 “Divorce Is Not an Option,” talking about how his faithful wife helped him book shows, ran the soundboard, and even sold merch at his shows. Chapman talks about how his views on marriage were shaped by his parents who seemingly had a strong marriage until he and his older brother, Herb Jr. left home. Chapman’s parents eventually divorced. In one interview, talking about “I Will Be Here,” Chapman said of the song: “It felt like I needed to drive a stake in the ground again and say to [Mary Beth], 'No matter how I feel when I wake up tomorrow, no matter how disillusioned we may be at different points of this, I have made this commitment to you, and I will be here when you wake up.'”

WHEN THE LAUGHTER TURNS TO CRYING. Steven Curtis and Mary Beth Chapman have been married for nearly 40 years. The couple has raised six children, three biological and three adopted children from China. The Chapmans’ two sons formed the indie rock band Colony House. The Chapmans adopted Shaohanna Hope Chapman in 2000 and soon after became adoption activists. According to an article Steven wrote for CNN, his eldest daughter Emily who first tried to convince the family to adopt after she went on a mission trip to Haiti. Eventually, the Chapmans founded Shaohanna’s Hope, now Show Hope, a faith-based non-profit that supports orphans and Christians who want to adopt. Tragically, in 2008, their youngest adopted daughter Maria Sue Chapman was killed just after her fifth birthday when she ran behind the car her brother was driving. An investigation by the Tennessee High Patrol ruled the event an accident resulting in no charges filed against the driver or the family. Steven nearly quit music after this tragedy, but the family bonded together and eventually talked with the media about how faith strengthened their family after a tragic event.

HOLD MY HAND AND HAVE NO FEAR. Steven Curtis and Mary Beth Chapman’s marriage has been filled with highs and lows. Any lasting relationship has them. Now that “The mirror tells [them they’re] older” it appears that the couple has stuck to the vows they made at their wedding and that Steven made in a song. And while I have about fifty interjections I want to make about Christian adoption agencies--listen to Joel Kim Booster’s take on them as it’s an experience he lived--, I want to believe that SCC is trying to do the right thing in the world with the platform that he’s been given. But more importantly, I want to believe that a love story outside of the Protestant heteronormative parameters in “I Will Be Here” is possible. It always seemed so arrogant to believe that Christians held the monopoly on happy, lasting marriages when the practice had happened all around the world long before Christianity. But the Evangelical worldview is a hard one to shake. It comes back to haunt me in the middle of the night when I wonder if it’s all heading somewhere. Voices from sermons, Bible classes, or CCM radio interviews creep in to get me to doubt myself. But ironically, it was in the middle of it, that I could never believe that an “I Will Be Here” kind of love existed because I didn’t see a model of marriage that I actually wanted. I think about what Karamo Brown told one of the clients on the latest season of Queer Eye, “Trust yourself.” It’s quite the opposite idea from what I grew up with, but ultimately realizing that only the I in “I Will Be Here” has any power in the situation. I can choose to stay, but you may choose to leave. And when you try to put more pressure on the situation, you are more likely to leave. I can learn how to love you better. I can learn how to sacrifice for love. I hope that you will do the same. But I am not God. I do not have control. But I can trust myself. That’s all.